Movie Going Gone...

First up, let me go on record that I truly believe that film is dead. It's just that no one has told Hollywood yet.

And honestly, I think that this is a good thing - especially if you're a person who cares more about the movie than the "date night ritual" studios rely on to support their rapidly dwindling industry. I'm a full blown believer in digital cinema, and am ready to embrace it with all of my hard earned cash and rapidly dwindling free time. Why? Because from the time I could toddle, I've been obsessed with visual storytelling... but I admit it. There is a large part of me that still loves the theater-going experience, however reluctantly. There can still be a magic there - if you can find a decent theater, and go to the first showing on a Wednesday after the flick in question has been out for a good week or two.

But I still prefer to watch a movie at home, on my 42" HD screen, in the comfort of my boxers and microwave popcorn.

The reasons are quite common (among other film lovers).
1 - I hate people talking during the movie. Do we REALLY need a director's commentary from the loudmouth neanderthal in the front row? Does the guy sitting two seats behind you REALLY need to describe the action on the screen, scene by scene, to his braindead date? If she doesn't understand what's happening in the latest Adam Sandler flick, it probably doesn't matter WHAT the hell you say to her... Now the argument you'll hear FOR seeing a movie with a crowd really just ties into two genres - comedies and horror flicks. And I'll give you that. Comedies ARE often funnier in a room full of laughing people, and scary scenes ARE scarier when people sh*t their pants around you (can you cuss on Blogger?) Still don't know if that makes it worth seeing a flick in a theater, because:

2 - 80 percent the time, THEATER PRESENTATION SUCKS. Honestly, it doesn't matter if it's AMC, SONY, REGAL, CARMIKE - the projection of most movies is horrible. They are nearly ALWAYS framed poorly (and you have to go tell the ushers, who look at you from the heights of their ninth grade wisdom and wonder why it matters that the bottom of the frame is at the top of the screen and vice versa). What's worse, is when it's SLIGHTLY off, and you can see just a hint of the next frame in the black masking at the bottom; or the white soundtrack peeking on the side. And really, do they purposely start all of their flat movies with the scope lens on? So all the sheep in the audience watch the previews with every scene stretched or squished - and you sit there, hoping that maybe they just put the wrong ratio previews on this print and the film itself will be okay. Of course, it never is, and it comes down to you, noble film lover, to go tell the usher that the projectionist on duty is an idiot. And yeah, let's get geeky - nearly every movie I see in a multiplex is in need of new projector bulbs. The image is always a good 20 percent dimmer than it should be, with a hot spot offcentered. There's a million other things - poorly designed theaters which let the light from the auditorium windows shine on the screen (very common in stadium seating halls). Stained screens. Soft focus. Crappy prints. Reel changes taped together with hairy gum.

So why am I so nitpicky about this? Because I was a projectionist at a 7 screen multiplex - for three years. And being a film lover, I actually gave a sh*t.

3 - Commercials. Yeah, everyone bitches about them. So what do theater owners do? ADD MORE. They say they need the money due to dwindling attendance. But the more commercials you add, the less people will go to the theater. (I'd like a little butter on my irony, please.)

4 - The MPAA sucks. Movies (especially of the genres I adore), often have to be severely edited to even get an "R" rating - the absolute hardest rating 99 percent the movie theater chains will show. Of course, three months later, you can buy the UNRATED DIRECTOR'S CUT on DVD at your local Best Buy. Here's another reason theater attendance is down - why the hell would I pay to go see a censored movie once when I can buy the UNcensored cut (the way the director usually intended it to be) three months later for the same price, and OWN it? Theaters are shooting themselves in the foot.

5 - Home theaters are better than movie theaters. Everybody knows it. And thanks to Blu-Ray, this is more true than ever.

6 - Why pay to see a movie once ($20 for me and my wife, no concessions), when for the exact same price three months later, you can OWN it and watch it forever?

You want the communal theater experience? Invite friends over, buy a big screen HDTV, and pop in your favorite disc.

I guarantee it will be in focus.

So when is theater-going BETTER than home theaters?

1 - When the cinema-gods make the movies. Anything from Peter Jackson, Lucas, Speilberg, Cameron - it'll always be better in a movie theater - DESPITE everything I listed above, because their stories demand a sixty foot screen. After the first five minutes of ANY of their flicks, you'll forget about the crying babies (did you people REALLY think that your 9 month old would enjoy the TEXAS CHAINSAW remake?), the giggling teeny boppers, and the Frat Boy who read one issue of Entertainment Weekly and feels entitled to share all his cinema knowledge with his buddies during the opening credits. These are also filmmakers for whom I can't WAIT for three months to see their movies. Honestly. I swear I'd get nosebleeds. AVATAR is gonna - in the words of film geeks everywhere - f*ck my eyeballs. And I for one can't wait to be ocularly violated.

However, if I could figure out a way to fit a sixty foot screen into my house... I'd still rather watch it at home.

2 - Digital projection. If every movie was digitally projected, I might actually go back to the theaters. Why? The image is bright and even, focused, and about ten million times better than a 20th generation film print. No grain. No gate weave. Gorgeous.

It's a home theater experience. In a theater.

Film is dead, or at least it should be for presentation purposes.

But the big question for me, is if film is dead, can I still be a filmmaker?

"The horror... the horror..." Col. Kurtz, APOCALYPSE NOW

(In reference to the subject heading, all of you English majors out there will know that this quote was actually from Joseph Conrad's HEARTS OF DARKNESS, which Coppola and Milius appropriated when writing their Vietnam classic APOCALYPSE NOW. Neither of which, of course, are considered part of the horror genre. I just couldnt resist the subject heading.)

Alright, I figure it's time to write a little about something I love - the horror genre.

Like any true love, I can't convince others to feel the same way I do. Either you love it or you dont. And in much the same way you cant get me to like sushi or country music, I dont expect to change your opinion on horror with this one blog.

But I would like to point out just a few things you non-horror folks might not have considered before

1 - The horror genre is spiritually optimistic. Yes, you heard me - the genre of literature and cinema that concerns itself with monsters, death and fear is inherently optimistic. Why? It's the ONLY genre that assumes the reality of an afterlife. Romance, drama, westerns and even sci-fi rarely touch on this subject. But horror? By dealing with the supernatural as a complete definite reality within the world of the stories, by it's very nature it assumes that there is something beyond the mortal coil (regardless of your religious beliefs, ghosts coming from the other side to get you supports the idea that there IS the other side.)

2 - It's the only genre named after, and revolving around, an emotion. You don't read a western to feel... westerly. You don't see a sci-fi movie to feel... science fictiony. Even dramas... you can't feel drama (happy, sad, upset, yes... but nobody can feel drama-y). You CAN however, feel horror. And regardless of execution, isnt that the true purpose behind ALL art? To feel?

3 - Who would want to feel horror? Well, who would want to ride a roller coaster? Or bungee jump? Or parachute? (Gotta point out, however, that horror movies are the safest of the bunch). These are safe ways to rehearse the thing we are all most frightened of... our own death. Kids want on the biggest, scariest coasters because nothing is more exhilarating than the sensation of being vulnerable... but knowing you'll walk away.

4 - Horror is the closest thing today to Classical Tragedy. Shakespeare was the first Stephen King. Ghosts, violent murders, witches. wrapped within a compelling examination of the human condition, written for the masses by the most popular literary figure of his time?. Am I talking about MACBETH... or THE SHINING? (Or perhaps theres not much of a difference?)

5 - Horror is the rock-and-roll of the storytelling arts. The elite look down on it. Youth embraces it. Both rock and horror skip the intellectual and go straight for the gut. And as each new generation reinvents itself, parents are revolted by what their kids are watching / listening to... just as it should be. (Honestly, how fun would discovering THE RAMONES have been if your PARENTS sang along with "I Wanna Be Sedated" on long car trips?)

6 - Horror is the genre of metaphor, unlike any other. What are vampires about? Sexual repression. Werewolves? The dichotomy between mans rational intellect and animal primal urges. Ghosts? Regrets of the past. Zombies? The dangers of a mob mentality. This is the only genre that tackles issues in ways FAR more direct than any traditional drama by making the metaphor real. Think about it for a second... as an example, in 1973, THE EXORCIST was released and became a worldwide phenomenon. This movie had sacrilege and puking and some of the most disturbing sexual and religious images EVER put on film and practically EVERYONE went to see it. It was a blockbuster. Why? Well, it was it about a 12 year old girl possessed by the devil. Yeah, sure. But it was REALLY about every parents worst fear: no longer understanding your child. In 1973, the generation gap was never wider... and every parent who watched in horror as their kids smoked dope, have sex, and protest their country could certainly understand what little Regan's mother must have been going through emotionally.

Alright class, thats enough for now.

I'm sure I'll write about this more in the future, but I just wanted to give all of you non-horror fans a little food-for-thought the next time NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET comes on and you get the urge to switch channels (because, after all, its just a coming-of-age story).

Here we go...

So I'm going to try out this blogging thing. And while it will likely end up looking like the John Doe diaries from SE7EN, at least now it's big and clean and inviting.

Besides, this'll force me to write more often.

Soooo.... what do we do, what do we do.... GOT IT. Need a goal. Every dramatic situation needs a goal. How about the goal of having, uhmm, what's good - 3? - how about the goal of having THREE followers! Beautiful. Three. Great number. Awesome.

You out there. Tell your friends.